judgementkazzy | inbox//recolle;

Yes, I did. I kept pushing him until he ended up in jail. I kept --

[ his fingers tighten against kiryus skin where hes holding him ]

Everything. I ruined everything.

You didn't. You didn't force him to do anything.

[ Kiryu runs a hand along Majima's back, trying to soothe him. ]

Your brother wouldn't blame you.

You don't know that. Ya can't know that.

I know.

[ Wishful thinking, maybe, but... ]

Your brother means everything to you. It's the same for him, right?

I don't know.

[ Kiryu says nothing, opting to squeeze Majima a little tighter. ]

There's something -- there's somethin' I haven't told ya, yet, Kiryu-chan.

[ his throat feels tight. he should've told him a long time ago, but he's been so scared to. scared that it'll end up hurting kiryu, too. ]

[ Kiryu keeps rubbing circles on Majima's back, keeping steady for him. He isn't going to berate Majima for not telling him something. Hell, he'd barely berate Majima for anything. ]

What is it?

There was a memory I got. It was really bad.

Oh.

[ Yeah, that's understandable then. Majima isn't big on sharing his pain. Kiryu's not great at it either. ]

How bad?

[ Considering Kiryu thinks Majima died, it could be real bad. ]

I was tortured.

[ majima tries to keep his voice steady, but his hands shake where he's holding kiryu so it gives it away. he's been reliving the memory almost every night, daily nightmares of this horrible thing he remembers that he has no context for. he almost wishes he did, like that might make it just go away instead of his brain inventing all these terrible horrible things he could've done. ]

Shit.

[ Probably the only thing worse than dying, Kiryu figures, would be not dying and being tortured, so wow, that's... actually worse than he expected. Which would also explain why Majima had been almost relieved by the news. ]

Majima...

[ Kiryu kisses the top of his head again, holding Majima steadily. It explains the nightmares, the lack of sleep... Majima didn't deserve this. ]

I'm sorry I -- I should've told you. You had to keep puttin' up with me all this time an' you didn't even know why.

[ i mean maybe on some level he knows its more than just putting up with him but also he does feel really guilty for not telling him ]

You don't have to apologize. This isn't your fault.

[ Kiryu would never have forced him to come clean about that. He could tell something was wrong, but he can see why even talking about it would bring the memories back. ]

I told you I'd be here for you. I knew you would tell me what was wrong when you were ready.

I'm sorry --

[ now that he's started apologizing, its like he can't stop, like all the things hes ever felt sorry for and all the guilt hes harbored fights its way out now, spurred on by the horrible memory of a man he'd called his boss cutting into his flesh, demanding the very same. it's been so hard for him, every day since he'd gotten the memory back. it wasn't like he was without guilt already, so it had just compounded everything. it's been so heavy to hold all of it, so much to keep without saying. but now that he's started talking about it, it all comes out.

he clings tight to him, shaking hard as he starts to cry. maybe in the past he was equipped for this kind of thing, but he isn't, not here. he'd never been part of a gang, he'd never been hurt like that. ]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

[ If Kiryu could punch or fight Majima's pain away, he'd beat a thousand guys to make it better. If there was anything he could do, he'd do it in a heartbeat. But he knows Majima's pain isn't something he can beat or fix, there's not really anything he can do but be there for him. He runs slow circles on Majima's back, kissing his hair and keeping him safe. ]

I don't blame you. I would never blame you.

[ Even with whatever crimes they might have committed, nothing was worth this. His eye, the pain it must have brought... nothing Majima could ever do would be so bad as to deserve that kind of pain. ]

I should've been honest with you, I ...

[ how much of his life was measure it what he could have done? what was one more regret to go with the rest ]

It's okay.

[ Kiryu shakes his head, quiet and honest. ]

You were dealing with all this on your own... Why didn't you tell me?

[ He's really not mad at all, he's just hoping the reason will make Majima feel a little better. ]

I didn't want to hurt you.

[ it's pretty clear that's the truth and not just a nice excuse. with how often their memories trigger each other's, everything is risky ]

[ Kiryu gets it. With how much their lives intersect, they've given each other memories enough times to know it could happen. ]

I don't want you to suffer alone. You don't have to.

I know. Bein' here with you... I don't know what I'd do without ya here, Kiryu.

Yeah.

[ He nods, speaking into his hair. ]

I'm here for you, Majima.

It feels good, to have told you.

I'm glad you told me.

[ Even if it's probably going to trigger bad memories for him. ]

You can tell me anything.

I know. Thank you.

[ he really means it. he shifts a little so he can kiss his neck. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject